Don't even ask !

Paranoia ! Shit ! I got a big lump of fat surrounding me . My movements are limited and I feel like I got a Goodyear tyre wrapped around me body . When I wanna do something , I feel like I move much slower and climbing the fuckin’ walls these days seems like a mission .

My golf swing looks terrible . My beach attire is non existent . One of those days when you remove the shirt and run in the ocean . God dammit , I am so fuckin’ lazy and even knowing all the facts I have stated above , I still fuckin’ eat like a champ and drink like a chump .

Pavin surfing the tube in Hawaii @Billabong 2012

The good news is , although I am getting bigger , I have started to look into opportunities of becoming a personal bodyguard as I think I fuckin’ qualify for that shit . You need to be fat , right ? Fuck you . I blame my country for having the best food in the world and at the same time , blame all my friends for taking me to the best restaurants and showing me the best meals in town . Fuck you .

Times like these , I miss being in London . I hardly think about food cause there weren’t too much to choose from besides fish /chicken and chips and my ex girlfriends sandwiches . But lets face the facts and I am gonna lay it straight .

Dear Pavin ,

You are one fat mother fucker and you are getting round by the day . I don’t think you’d be able to surf anymore waves as you’d be barred from the fuckin’ beach for being FAT . Do something about your lifestyle or face the consequences . Final piece of advice , stay away from the beer . I know it’d be hard and at the same time I know you can’t do it .. Hahaha ! So .. get fat , drink more beer and eat at odd hours . We’ll see you on the otherside you fat mofo ! Join us , we await ya’ mate !

With love ,

John Boogieman

President of the The Fatty’s

I ain’t scared , just worried ..

Next year this time , I will prolly be double my size and be everyone’s best friend just because I am bigger than the rest . I rest my case . I am off for an afternoon snack !